Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Site Update: What About Cynics acquired by Myspace for £10,000 and a shit ton of Green Tea.

Welcome to this totally not fake news announcement, because it is April 2nd, and the only time people can lie and it be funny on the internet isn't today. So you have nothing to fear of being duped. In completely related news, we have a big site announcement.

As of March the 31st 2014, we were in intense talks with Tom of Myspace fame, primarily we wanted to know what his second name was, but secondarily we also wanted shit tons of money so we could keep doing what we've always done. While we are none-the-wiser as to his second name, or if he even runs Myspace anymore, we can proudly announce that as of April 7th this will be your new What About Cynics.

Yeah, we had no idea the Myspace logo had changed either. But three little stick figures? Coincidence, I think not. Tom Myspacesen clearly had this planned for a while.
(I'll draw a Butler one day soon I promise)

But do not worry, very little will be changing at the What About Cynics you inexplicably know and even more inexplicably seem to tolerate. Listed below are the few changes.


  1. We main three will each be receiving 3,333 recurring pounds. I am told that the recurring element does make it infinite as I had hoped. Semen Gobbla will be a yearly pay off of Pokémon Cards and Butler is getting a lifetimes supply of Goats, Bears and Nerds for some horrible gladiatorial arena.
  2. Also some stocks or some shit, Myspace stocks probably aren't worth the paper they are printed on so I opted for the Green Tea package
  3. All our last names are now legally changed to Cynic-Myspace.
  4. A What About Cynics Movie has been commissioned, Harvey will be played by Daniel Radcliffe, Simon by Ellen Page and I by Jesse Eisenberg. Butler is being played by Snoop Dogg and Michael Caine gets the role as Semen Gobbla.
  5. Chris Martin of Coldplay fame is being executed. (A loophole Harvey snuck in).
  6. No actual changes to the site, in fact if anything we will update it even less because of all the cool stuff we sold out for (if that is even possible).
  7.  30000% more YouTube videos, except they'll be on Myspace's new YouTube called MyTube. 
So yeah, there you have it. We are very honoured that Myspace decided to try and get involved with the internet journalism scene and we hope for a long and thriving partnership with them. While we probably aren't as profitable as the Oculus Rift, we look 100% less dorky, and that is what Myspace really values at heart. Our core philosophy of apathy and everyone's core philosophy towards Myspace of apathy blended seamlessly and has made these past few days of transition painless. 

And as I leave you, I give you the reactions from my fellow Cynics as the news broke. 

Aaron Cynic-Myspace, signing out.

"I still work here?"
Simon Cynic-Myspace upon being told the news.

"That isn't even a funny idea for an april fools article"
Harvey Cynic-Myspace upon being told the news

"Chill Brah"
Butler Cynic-Myspace upon being told the news

"I still work here?" 
Semen Gobbla Cynic-Myspace upon being told the news. 


6 comments:

  1. I don't think anyone took Myspace yesterday so you are in the clear

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ha ha, well done. An April fool on April 2nd. Classic cynics.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I vaguely remember Simon, but I think this Semen Gobla was before my time.

    Perhaps thankfully so?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Look at the web comic if you want to be enlightened.

      But be sure you really want it.

      Delete
  4. I have a drawing someone did of me ready to go but Aaron is scared of it's beauty

    ReplyDelete