(I'll reply to comments when I have a stable connection at my house, so as to not waste his time)
((Assume passively I was thinking about Dota the entire time))
5: Gain a new found appreciation of your Mobile Phone!
This one is slightly cheating because it is basically a variation of the "I'd wish for more wishes" in the equivalent Magic Lamp scenario. What do you do without the internet? Desperately use any means necessary to connect to the internet of course. You want to know what helped me redefine patience. Using countryside phone coverage to browse Twitter at night. I could barely even enjoy popular comedians talk about inane shit knowing that eventually I'd have to wait for 5 minutes for it to download another 10 tweets.
Thankfully, trying to access the internet via phone was the activity I spent the least amount of time on during this (un)eventful period as I quickly realised I only like the internet when it is fast, convenient and on a big screen. Otherwise it can really go do one. I think this was an impressive breakthrough in my overall development as a human being.
Vodafone 3G downloads: 3/10