Friday, 1 November 2013

Papers, Please: Reviewing a Communist Indie Game

Welcome to the What About Cynics Halloween Special Review. I tried to think of the most terrifying thing for a media and culture site and I worked out that it would probably be...Communism! So without further ado I will be reviewing Papers, Please. The most polite tyrannical dystopian game you've probably ever witnessed. (Ok, so "maybe" I was going to review "Vampire: Bloodlines" and "maybe" that video will take another 400 minutes to load, so "maybe" this won't be very spooky at all)

But first, for something truly horrifying. A video of me playing Papers, Please. Cue thunder and lightning. Alright, see you after the page split.

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

HP Laptops And Windows 8 - The Shittiest Concoction Ever Concocted

Everyone knows Windows 8 is bad. Its sole purpose is to turn your PC into a giant phone just so that Microsoft can connect their phone and PC platforms into one big happy synchronised family. How charming. Charming and damn irritating.

Unless you have a touch screen or are just retarded and like tile displays, then it won't be such a problem. But if you have a PC with its many hundreds of applications and files that you want to have quick and easy access to without having to go through a river of friendly and boiled down hand holding software that makes it ironically more difficult to do anything that is out of the understanding of some twat whose only necessary input with his device is to smack his hand drunkenly across the screen and scroll through his collection of apps that range in complexity from angry birds all the way to angry birds space. Apps are programs Microsoft. Stop separating them. They're just different names for the same things, much in the way that I would use the words Windows 8 and inexplicable.

Sunday, 27 October 2013

Poetry Corner #11: Man's Never-ending Desire.

Long one this week, perhaps this is my inner-essayist begging to be freed. Either way, sorry this was a long time coming, I blame it largely on illness and uni. I've got quite a lot of essays incoming as well, but now with the video shift I think I'll be able to keep my flow of both articles and videos quite steady, providing I don't get ill. Also, as those in England know, apparently the mother of all storms is coming. So I'm wishing everyone luck.

Also, I've just purchased an old nostalgic game on the back of Harvey's Harry Potter article, prepare yourselves.

It is hard to believe when I came here.
This town numbered 4 or 5.
When I walk the lit streets at night,
it just feels so alive.

But now winter has arrived.
And my harvest may have stalled
but with the town around my table
it is hard not to feel enthralled.

The mayor sits besides me.
He knew my parents well.
It was his restoration plan
that made our numbers swell.

Checking Out A Potentially Terrible Old PS1 Game That I've Never Played Before: Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets

If you've read any of my recent previous stuff then you may notice this is slightly similar to my last article. If you've never read anything I've ever written before, then welcome and please ignore the first line because I can assure you, it's only ever original content that gets published here.

What I wrote earlier was about games that I had recently played from the Playstation One days, which I hadn't already played before and seeing without the rose tinted specs whether they were genuinely good or just plain frustrating. I found that quite a lot of my experience was pretty annoying and I try to go from just my boredom from a gameplay and story standpoint, rather than a graphical criticism since it was the past and it would be unfair to attack things like that as the technology obviously couldn't compete at the time.

It just so happens that recently I went on a PS1 buying binge because like most people I stupidly thought buying shit would make me feel as if my life would be more complete. It isn't, but form this mistake there'll be some reviews of some potentially shitty PS1 games that I've never played before.

The game today is 'Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets', a game which I began to play normally but gave up on during the point where the audio from one of the characters began endlessly repeated for five minutes during an extended flying car running away from train sequence. It was after this point that I played the rest of this 4 hour adventure with a pretty constant level of alcohol in my system.

This is my story.

Chapman gets Twitch and more.

Totally not prominent Twitch Link :

So this was originally suppose to be a double announcement, but apparently it is going to take another 524 minutes to upload the video I am uploading to Youtube ( Aaron finally edited and uploaded his own video, that is an announcement in itself, so the article on that will have to wait as I promised this would be up on the Saturday. So yeah, my computer will be hot tomorrow morning.

The price of glorious HD. Hopefully worth it. (Click to enlarge etc)

I suppose that image sort of gives away what it will be about, but I'll put an article (that you are free to ignore) when it is done to explain my reasoning. Also, not every video I'll be making will revolve around the game that should not be named. I'm planning to do commentary playthroughs of such latest indie hit Papers, Please, top down neon-emblazoned beat-em-up Hotlline Miami and if you are really lucky, me struggling to play Football Manager 2013.