Monday, 16 December 2013

Fine Dining at Vodka Revz and the eternal question about clubbing.

And I'm back, that took way too long, and way too much effort. But now it is the holidays, so my article output should increase, and hopefully the quality to boot. Though this article is actually just about how terrible British culture seems to be, so perhaps the promise of a quality increase is foolish. I'll need a few days to actually do things I enjoy though before I can start talking about that instead. Poem is up tomorrow, hold me to it.

Pictured, the famed "Vodka Revolution", colloquially known as Vodka Revz.
Universally acknowledged to be meh.  

So I think it can go without saying at this point that my enthusiasm for taking part in what can be called "standard university life" is pretty limited without significant intervention from my friends. Getting me to part with £20 to go for a Christmas Dinner at "Vodka Revolution" with History Society followed by clubbing however was surprisingly easy given how utterly weak that sounds. The primary reason was that I had been working for about 10 days straight at the point I was asked. My mental state was probably compromised, leading me to think that I was finally experiencing the university lifestyle and should consequently attempt the end of term party blow-out again.

I'm not actually sure if I was wrong, I'll spoil the article slightly by prefacing that I actually had an alright time, significantly better than I expected when I had finished the essays and then realised what I had signed myself up for. But some aspects of it were still...interesting, so lets do this.

Introduction & Fine Dining, the food.

Yeah, Jesus, my very first question upon hearing where Christmas Dinner was going to be held was obviously, "Vodka Revolution does food?". For those of you who live in cities not 'lucky' enough to have a VR, they are fairly expensive bars with a perchant towards, you guessed it, Vodka based concoctions with a demographic drinking market which seems to go for the depressed 30 year olds that consider themselves too good for Weather Spoons.

The other demographic that they deliberately aim for are Students, and they do this via the "societies". I don't know the full details because I run from responsibility as a habit, but basically it seems that Vodka Revolution makes deals with the various societies of the city universities to make VR the place where the societies drink in exchange for some sort of partial cash-back fund and the condition that you must have Christmas Dinner there...Irrespective of how horrific that sounds.

Anyway, yeah, the food, three courses, starter, main, dessert. I had Figs for the first time for the starter, so I have literally nothing to compare them to, they were okay, literally just another piece of fruit. The main course was rock solid beef and rock solid potatoes, and even this mouth that spent its entire first 11 years chewing plastic struggled to bite through. (You can tell I'm not a food critic). The dessert was a piece of cheesecake roughly the length of my head, which was so filling I felt my genetic make-up being replaced by cream-cheese. Though I'll be loathed to ever say that somewhere gave me too much cheese-cake, so yeah. It was alright.

4/10, wouldn't dine again.

The rest of Vodka Revolution

I won't talk at lengths about the History Society because I think some of them know I run a website and while I'm perfectly fine bitching about the evening at large, the people I like in HS are really cool so there is no reason to piss them off more than I deem acceptable. That being said...

Vodka Revolution is a depressing place, it is as loud as a club, with the queues of a really busy bar. The music is substandard, and that night it was largely Christmas music. Because hey, if there is one thing we all haven't been exposed to, it is that fucking dire "Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight". After we had finished the meal, my time was mainly spent trying to engineer ways to influence our quick exit. Unfortunately this didn't work and we remained there until we went to the club.

Also the balcony has the word VODKA emblazoned on the side. So gaudy I could genuinely only compare it to a Baz Luhrman film or Brave New World.

Thankfully however, not only did the club-cards enslave us to this Christmas meal, they also gave us selective drinks pretty cheap. Including Cocktails, something I rarely get to drink but really enjoy drinking.

No I don't know why it is called a Pornstar Martini, and yes I think it is totally fine to like cocktails as a man.

I probably rate the Martini's as the best part of the night. Make of this what you will.

Clubbing Time!

Now every-time I go clubbing I mean to write an article about it, I've still got a clubbing poem that really needs to be refined and published to the site. Unlike Harvey I don't have pictures of me clubbing (thankfully) to illustrate the experience. You will have to make do with your imagination instead. 

Here is the club of the night, Thekla, incidentally also my favourite. Yes it is the boat. No it doesn't move.
If you look really close there is a Banksy drawing on the watermark.

So yeah, Aaron has a favourite club, and that is because I think, I think I used to genuinely enjoy clubbing. But even then I'm not sure, I think like dating it was something I was largely tricked into enjoying. I'm not sure, maybe I haven't been drunk enough recently. Maybe the room where they play all the rock and rap music has become too much like a sauna. Maybe The Smiths don't come on enough any more for me to feel like an edgy hipster. Something has been off.

And I know I like quiet, I've always known that, give me a house party, or even just house drinking over most night clubs, but I assumed I still enjoyed Thekla. Past three times though, not so much.

But yeah, doubts over whether this very small portion of my existence is worth it anymore weren't the funniest part of my evening. That came from the hilariously pop-punk being pipped around the top deck, and all the really terrible Christmas songs being played on every level. Man I wish people would give drinking and Christmas songs a break, just imagine how many family feuds would be avoided?

I don't really know how to end this, I got steadily more drunk, celebrated the assignments being over, and eventually went home and slept on a friend's sofa until 1 in the afternoon. 

Conclusion: What have we learnt

Yeah, Vodka Revolution is as terrible as you think, but as long as you've got one person to laugh about it with, you'll have a good time. 

Potatoes need to be cooked for at least 5 minutes longer.

Cheesecake shouldn't fill you up more than an entire meal.

Pornstar Martinis are damn tasty especially when you are only paying 3 pounds for them.

Clubbing might stop being fun at 21, it might have never been fun. It is definitely a useful combination of alcohol and decadence to make you think you are having interesting thoughts when you probably aren't.

Society Socials definitely aren't useful for talking to anyone you don't already talk to. 

Missed you guys, expect more over the next few days.


  1. Aaron, to clubbing what Rooney is to english football. Never mind, you gaveit a shot.

    Potatoes are always undercooked when you're out.

    1. The second something can't kill you by being undercooked its completely ignored.

      I need to get my crusading journalism cape on for this one.

  2. I always assumed clubbing was for people who could move their bodies rythmically to music. That's why noone lets me do it. Good on you for enjoying it, and fun article.

    1. Trust me, from seeing those who go clubbing, it isn't for those people. I'm pretty sure those people don't exist...Or if they do they get paid to dance rather than pay to dance.

      Thanks, culmination of many nights out.

  3. Did someone say poem? I have been in a long and deep hibernation. I've got one though.

    1. Poem is willing and ready to go, sorry for their sacrificing to the god of deadlines

  4. Passion fruit liquer, vodka and champagne. Put them on your Christmas list.

    1. Oh really? Thank you, I hadn't even considered what was in them. I assumed Vodka

  5. Welcome back, good man. Nice break?

    1. As nice as essays can be. I'm hoping for a more relaxed final term, colour me a fool.