Thursday, 28 November 2013

Apologies and Nokia Lumia Windows Phones

Hey everybody, I feel I should start off by apologising, turns out everything hit both of us at the worst time. As you are aware my internet broke down last week, that on-top of another severe bout of illness and my frankly ridiculous submission deadlines for my final year of University meant that posting became unfeasible. Unfortunately, the person I was relying on to take up the slack, Harvey, as far as I can ascertain (communications have been so bad I have no idea if he even has a PS4 yet), has also become as ill, if not more so than myself, hence his disappearance also. I have literally just finished one essay and I have this day to do stuff before the next one begins, so here is my article. Thankfully, I'll be finished on December 12th and hopefully this illness will have gone long, long before that.

(I'll get to general admin later tonight around the site)
((safe to say I'm on painkillers so forgive me if I don't make sense? I read it through, seems okay, I don't trust myself currently))

I know the article consistent around here is something of a running joke, but even for us I deem this time period to have been too long, and for that I'm sorry, I will try to make sure it doesn't happen again. Anyway, onto cheerier things...Technology.

I've wanted to use this picture for ages, as a technophile I like it, as a Historian I love it.

So yes, when faced with what to right my latest article about, bearing in mind that my activities over these past few weeks have been, in order of regularity Essay Writing, Dry Heaving and trying to work out my new phone...I decided that the most interesting of those potential articles by a long shot was the phone. So get ready for the worlds worst tech review of....

The Nokia Lumia 625 Windows 8 Phone
(Pictured is a scandalous image these phones didn't want published)

Hmm, I had best invent some bullshit categories to arbitrarily judge this piece of consumer technology on.

Style and Comfort!

The Nokia Lumia 625 offers unparalleled comfort compared to my old phone, no longer do I feel like some sort of striding Hindu God, desperately trying to press the small touchscreen in such a specific way that my failure to do so probably indicts my personal failings elsewhere in life.

The phone's 4.7 inch (totally didn't just look that up) screen is housed in a simplistic yet sturdy feeling case system, that when taking the back off cannot easily dislodge the battery as I was very prone to doing with my old phone. Compared to that old Nokia I had before that claimed to be a smart phone but probably wasn't, it looks pretty neat. Compared to my Samsung, it looks positively Bauhaus. Compared to those old flip phones we all had in the early 2000s? It looks like a piece of crap, but alas, we will never return to those golden years...

I have actually artificially created the feel of it being a flip phone however by getting a case, so if like me you want to both pretend you are a spy AND access the Internet, you are in luck.

Performance and Stuff

It downloads all the things really efficiently, compared to the old Samsung it feels really fast, and has significantly more memory left for me to fill up with pointless apps that help me learn Japanese and cook a slightly nicer pasta dish.

The layout of the main menu is really good actually, it is exactly the same as Windows 8, however, being not on a computer makes it significantly better, it is almost like translating such a system to the PC was retarded...Oh wait. I think it might have made me like Windows 8 more on my Computer, just because I now know that this monstrosity has a purpose, and like the noble King Kong, has just been taken away from where it belongs, cruelly and unjustly trying to survive in a world not meant for it.

Leave him alone! He isn't the monsters, we are! You just don't understand.

Video Games

But Aaron, you've gone over half an article without mentioning Video Games, whats the matter? Well yeah, the Windows Phone actually deals with Video Games really well, for the first time I was glad that something was automatically hooked up to my Xbox Live account. I got to see a blast from the past of the little emo shit of an avatar I created at age 16, and it meant that when I purchased such games as Final Fantasy I to play on their (review incoming near future), that it went multi-platform I believe.

The game selection is fairly large, not Android library large, but it is a start, and the amount of JRPGs on there is almost definitely more than the Xbox One will ever have...Ironic when you think about it.

Oh, one downside, it doesn't have Steam, because Gabe Newell hates Windows 8 or something. And I agree Gabe, hate away on Windows 8 Desktop, but leave his younger brother Windows 8 Phone alone. He hasn't done anything wrong (yet). 


Yeah, it takes prettier pictures than my actual camera does...I guess that makes it really good right?


Yep, all my music is on there and it sounds exactly as enjoyable as it does everywhere else...I guess that makes it good right?


Ok, I know I was messing around for the last 2, but I can genuinely get my entire Amazon Kindle library on here for free. That is pretty damn cool in my opinion. Couldn't do it on Android for shit.


It comes with a stylus which works on both my tablet and the phone itself, and it is pretty good for sketching on the go, you might see the rise of the webcomic again, I promise nothing though.

Phones at large: A Conclusion

I've always felt a sense of sadness at Mobile Phones, yes the micronisation of technology will never stop being cool to me, and yes it is amazing that my mobile phone can now play the games my NES/SNES used to. But, and it pains me to use an argument frequently used by my parents, in contacting us all, it really does isolate us all.

Frequently at University I see people literally glued to their phones, "interacting" in some way with the people (presumably) that they'd rather talk to. I've seen whole groups of friends just be on phones while sitting next to each other. I remember when Harvey got a smart phone he made a similar rant to me, and I don't think at the time I really got it, but I'd say I do now.

I actually think I'm describing it poorly, Louis C.K. did a great shtick about why Mobile Phones are tragic, with nothing more to say about the Nokia Lumia 625, I'll leave you with that.

Oh yeah shit, it is a Phone. 

It is also good at phoning and texting.

Stay Cynical, until next time.


  1. Hope everyone well again soon. The phone seems to be everything a phone can be but the issue of social isolation could warrant an article of its own...? Certainly I have often felt like a twat talking to someone who is already tex ting someone else.

    1. I have been suffering from all the symptoms of flu: staying in bed, laziness, lack of creativity - but unfortunately I think this is all just a bigger symptom of not giving a shit to do anything at the current time.

      The article about phone isolation would be interesting. Wonder if we could get hold of some interesting scientific studies on the subject or else it might just end up as a several pant rant about how much everyone sucks. Unless that would be preferred.

    2. Let us have the Harvey rant on how people suck, it's what you do best.

  2. I know someone with windows 8 on their phone and its great. You sell this phone very well, they should give you commission.

  3. Welcome back to the internet and all its wonders.

  4. Aaron's back. All's right with the world. Good article.