Thursday, 10 October 2013

Harvest Moon: Money didn't bring me happiness

We are going to take a break from Dogging, Pornography and GTA to focus on the simpler joys in life.

Back in the dim and distant September when the weather was...actually worse than it is currently, everyone was getting very keen about one Grand Theft Auto V, and it was in that week another game was released, a game I had pre-ordered, a simple game about farming, raising livestock and rebuilding your hometown. Harvest Moon: A New Beginning.

Harvest Moon 3D, now with the noble Alpaca.

But this isn't about HM:ANB because due to I assume lack of faith in a game about farming and marrying, Nintendo only shipped 5 copies to the UK and the rest aren't arriving for another 4 days. So instead, as you do when you've been waiting to play a game and it doesn't arrive. You play the old one. Welcome to 2007's Harvest Moon DS

Now Harvest Moon DS, they save file I've been playing, I believe I actually did start in 2007/8, so this is a game spanning over half a decade now. Have I improved as a farmer since the age of 16, undoubtedly yes. I actually gave up on Harvest Moon DS, primarily because the company who did the porting of the game, "Rising Star", were so awful that half the content I wanted to play had been removed, and the optimisation and language translation was actually worse than the released earlier American English version. Incredible, I know. Thankfully, Rising Star doesn't seem to exist anymore, and a company called Marvellous Europe dealt with hopefully not butchering HM: ANB 

The secondary reason I quit was because I couldn't accumulate the 60 "Harvest Sprites" (Read: Elves) needed to continue the game by marrying someone and forcing the time jump. The good news is that half a decade later I've managed to collect the remaining 8 buggers. A rewarding enough endeavour that I'd never have bothered with if the new one hadn't been delayed beyond all expectations.

The Decline

So after marrying the apathetic, anti-social red headed intellectual (irony noted) my next aim in life became the accumulation of significant amounts of gold.I imagine most minds go to this after they've wasted massive amounts of resource on getting married. Everything was going well, I'd managed to get the farm up and running from the disrepair my 17 year old self had left it in, the sprites were actually being useful, I'd kicked my gambling habit and the harvest was bountiful.

And then I got greedy

You see, I remembered in my dim and distant memory that there was a glitch you could exploit in Harvest Moon DS to get over 1 billion "G" (the games currency). Previously inaccessible to me, I decided to give it a shot...And it was successful...And it was horrible. With enough money to buy whatever my heart desired the farm started to deteriorate at a rapid pace, I built increasingly lavish buildings and prepared myself for bigger and more dangerous mining trips, lost at what to do with my wealth. I never even got to see my child be born, for you see...The glitch corrupted the game while I was save scumming during one of the mining expeditions.

Some speculate Aaron died in a 7 day crack binge, desperate to rid himself of his ill-gotten gains.

So there you have it, the moral lesson of this article. Money can't buy you happiness...Or maybe it can, but your life will glitch out and be unplayable afterwards. Words to think about...Words to think about. 


  1. Let that be a lesson to us all. Don't go on any mining trips when your baby is about to be born. Wise words indeed.

  2. I wonder what happened to my row of cabbages and horse called Chestnut. I weep for that horse.

    1. My horse was called Elmo, clearly 17 year old Aaron was hilarious

  3. So now you know that if you should come into big money in real life, you should share it with friends and people who have supported you in life.

    (Name, address and bank acc. no. Can be supplied).

    1. I wonder if a comments section can be legally binding?

  4. When your new game comes remember this about alpacas. They make dung piles, they screech a waak sound, the females are permanently fertile and they spit. If you have about a hundred of them you could make a scarf from their fur, otherwise they are just something to put on the farm guide next to gift shop. End of chat about alpacas.