Saturday, 12 January 2013

Honourable mentions and joke awards

So here we are continuing on from the last article, films I either saw but didn't make it onto the top five, had no chance of making it on the top five, or that I didn't need to see to know that they sucked ass.

Honourable Mentions go to Skyfall for not further messing up the James Bond franchise, and the Dark Knight Rises, for not being so terrible that it didn't make a load of money that DC can use to fund better, more coherent films.

You guys, any other year you would have probably made it.



Further mention goes to Argo, which gets the dubious award of "Best History Film of the Year" for being an unbias account of a period in the history of a country America will probably bomb soon. Ben Affleck should be given a public service medal.

Argo, upon hearing the news they got their first BHFY.


The Hunger Games wins my coveted award for "Best Tween/Young Adult film of the year", beating Twilight by not hating women quite as much and trying to make us forget Bella Swan was such a terrible role mode by replacing her with one who is marginally better.

Yep, this is the best Young Adult can do in the post-twilight era.

Interestingly, Hunger Games also wins two awards heavily associated with YA, the "got young girls reading for the wrong reason award", and the "inspired the most people to write terrible fan fiction award outside of an anime" IMPWTFFA for short. 


Men in Black 3 receives the "Frankenstein award", for most unsuccessful monstrosity that should have never been resurrected.   


Tom Cruise in Jack Reacher gets two: "Worst book adaption" and "Iconic book character forever tarnished" More on this to come probably.


Stolen, anything I say won't discredit this film as much as just looking at the poster does. 


Hotel Transylvania, as summed up in my review here, claims best animated film of the year, in a serious award.  Though Wreck-it Ralph isn't out yet, and I didn't see Brave. So just keep that in mind.


Cloud Atlas gets the dubious achievement of the longest discrepancy between it's American release date, shown above, and it's UK release date, which won't be getting Cloud Atlas until February the 22nd 2013, nearly half a damn year later. 


And last but not least, Twilight receives the "Smother it with a pillow" award and the "Stop, please, it is already dead" trophy to celebrate the fact that we will never get to see Robert Pattinson play an 1 dimensional overly loved piece of meat disguised as a paragon of introspection...until old R Patz plays Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. (If he actually does that I declare his career dead and buried).

And so there you have it, a nice little book end to the formalities that are "the best of". My next article might be a quite personal look into my early 2012 under the pretext of the "best video game of the year", either that or a series of book reviews based on what I read this winter, including Frank Herbert's Dune, Kurt Vonnegut's Galapagos and Jonas Jonasson's The Hundred Year Old Man who Climbed of the Window and Disappeared. Both articles will probably be pretty lame, just a heads up.

3 comments:

  1. You've touched on my first love - books. I never feel satisfied with the way books are adapted to the screen so try to avoid films of the books i love. Would be interested in your book review idea.

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  2. No mention of Lincoln? I didn't really like Brave so I don't think you're missing out. Good list though, do more reviews!

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    1. This is unfortunately the curse of living in any country that isn't America is that we get films way later. I don't even think Lincoln's out in England for another month yet.

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