Friday, 7 December 2012

News and Reviews: Not actually the brief for the What About Cynics Board Game

Much like other theoretical fields, the What About Cynics Board Game is hard to define, hard to explain, and no-one is quite sure whether it actually exists. Allow me to explain, a few days ago, while I was checking in on the site in between writing one of several million essays I am currently doing, I noticed some odd search terms had appeared. One read "Board Game by What About Cynics webcomic creators" and the other read "What About Cynics Board Game", I can only assume they were both from the same mad person. I originally laughed and dismissed it...But then another two appeared, and so I figured what better joke article to write at 1 o'clock in the morning after I have just finished my essay on Reaganomics, and dauntingly look forward to starting one about Danish Diplomatic history in the 1800s tomorrow...God.

So, yeah, that is why I have been quite quiet recently, but do not worry, after the 13th, everything shall pick up quite nicely.



So I just inadvertently posted What About Cynics first working gif, and it is from Hetalia. I take this as a net gain for our fair society. But yeah, fittingly enough that is England, though I'm not having a crisis about if I'm Protestant or Catholic, I'm having one about essays or honourable seppuku. 


Anyway, in my head, the loose idea of this article was for me to lay out what a rough concept for the What About Cynics Board Game would look like. I personally think it would be less of a war game, and more of a Battlestar Galactica Board Game-esque survival race, with different stat cards and abilities. In fact, at a point where it isn't so late, and I'm not so tired, and I don't have a convulsing image of Hetalia's England flashing against my retina every few seconds, I will totally make those cards, I even have a few ideas. Hmm, now I regret starting to write this. Alright new plan!  

The What About Cynics Board Game:

Well now we have abandoned all pretense of doing that, I'm left to find something to talk about...Hmm, okay. Well, I tell you what, I'm going to get something I would love to do weekly if I thought anyone cared. It is time for the Aaron Chapman: The Week in Review show!

Dong.

Palestinian non-member observer state status granted by the UN makes tensions between the already incredibly tense factions even worse. President Benny extracts over 100 million dollars in tax, and the controversial settlement program rolls on. Now I have views about the Israel-Palestine conflict that I frequently have to justify people, and so I don't think mentioning them here is prudent, however, I think we can all agree a two state solution is fast becoming unfeasible, and it is incredibly annoying how stubborn both sides are being at a fundamental level. It basically seems to come down to, "if you don't work out something soon, you are going to be stuck with each other for a long, long time". Kind of like a bad marriage in a country with no divorce laws...(Which wouldn't be Israel)

Pictured: The War on Terror, a very easy way to trivialize the Israel-Palestine conflict which shouldn't be posted near it.

Moving swiftly on DONG!

In Egypt everyone dusts off their tents and heads back to Tahrir square as Mohammad Morsi declares himself "Above the law" and then asks everyone to vote on a constitution that would make him less powerful. Now I only know what Al Jazeera and the internet tell me, but it really doesn't seem like this guy is making the same kind of blatant power grabs that Mubarak's predecessors did to earn such an iron grip on the country. Of course, anyone claiming they are above the law...Probably deserves some looking into, and his "I'm protecting the revolution" shtick did seem very much like Napoleon, another protector. Time will tell I suppose, but it is all starting to look very much like January of 2 years ago. 

A glancing resemblance to Ron Perlman sparks the quote: "Presidential tyrants, Presidential tyrants never change"

Uncontroversial Dong!

Closer to home, the Autumn "statement" is announced, despite the fact it is definitely, definitely winter, and George Osborne's attempts to get away with people not making "Winter of our discontent" jokes has evidently failed. The budget was your standard affair of a blind Tory government with a degree in Reaganomics, cut lots of tax so the wealth provides can provide that wealth they should have been providing, while also decreasing the amount benefits will increase, so it looks like you are still raising them when really you are shafting people on the sly. Very Clever. I actually decidedly liked Ed Balls counter-speech to Osborne, which is rare because the man often comes across as an insufferable...pleb. 

Balls goes to make his move on Osborne: like the opening to the Yaoi Slash Fanfiction I am currently writing about them (Disclaimer: No I'm not)

Dong!

Equally Starbucks say it will start paying taxes, however it is worded like it is a favour and not a legal requirement, thus making them seem like insufferable...plebs also. It has yet to be confirmed if Amazon and Google will follow the trend.

Ed Miliband visualises all the delicious tax money, but of course he conceptualises it as an XXXL cappuccino Coffee. Because, you know, he appears to have the cranial capacity of a monkey. (But he has nice intentions unlike some other party leaders we could name)

Final Dong!

And in less serious, less likely to get me yelled at in the comment section news. The Wii U is released! That is a thing right? Somehow I doubt either of my colleagues will be buying it, and I won't be either, having never owned a Wii, so I feel this might be the most comprehensive review on the Wii U you get on this site until they release a new Super Smash Bros and Simon rabidly charges to the shops...Or they change the name to something where I can say *console name* you without sounding like a moron. 

Hey look, a stock image of a Wii U Box...And some people consider this journalism. 

I do however see the potential in marketing it to adults saying "Now your kids can play their console, and you can watch TV!". I mean I haven't actually seen any adverts for this thing, but I bet that is what they are doing, and if they aren't...Nintendo, you owe me several thousand dollars, I'll be waiting for them right here. 


Anyway, sorry for this sewn together article. At least I managed to communicate to you A) The apparent lack of activity B) another new article idea I have yet to start and C) a quick release valve for some of the stuff I've been wanting to talk about as I plow through this essays. And they are going well, thanks for asking. I think that is about my quota for fun tonight. I'll see you later Cynics, don't abandon us yet, there is so much jovial fun to come in...6 days time.

22 comments:

  1. I admit my knowlege of politics is limited to the 6 o'clock news but George Osborne et al seem to be floundering a bit in a sea of oh-dear-should-we-have-done-that,lets scrap petrol going up even MORE and be popular (not). Glad your essay went well.

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  2. Hmm, quite the lefty then are you?

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  3. Not exactly 'left' just not as right.

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  4. As ever it seems, the talk of the town will be politics. Thank you on the essay front though. And whether left or right, we can all agree to be Cynical. (But yeah, George Osborne is floundering good)

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  5. Had an idea for a Cynics board game. You start off as a cynic but once you become witty, eloquent, imaginative and insightful...you become a commentator! What dyou think?

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    1. Haha, I think I have a long way to go before I become a commentator. But it gives me something to work towards.

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  6. Really like these news-y blogs.

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    1. Thank you =], they might be a handy solution to the curse of having too many things I want to talk about. Vague political commentary and getting to use pictures of politicians looking bad is an added bonus.

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    2. Liked the moving picture thing.

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  7. Ed Balls blames his stutter, David Cameron blames the cat (what happened to the Downing St cat, did it wander off?) but at the end of the day we are just in a BIG mess.

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  8. Do the cynics like getting comments?

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    1. Definitely, it is nice to be able to hear what people think, and then able to reply with short comments, rather than large articles.

      If anything I want to work to improve the comment system, I've been looking into it

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    2. Well I'm looking at my erect dick right now, so I think I enjoyed this comment at least.

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    1. He only does it for attention, unfortunately it seems that kind of mental unbalance allows him to write great articles.

      A double edged blade if ever there was one.

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  10. Nice to hear from Simon

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  11. This is great, you should do more weekly round ups 'Have I got news for you' style :) - Sarah

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    1. Thank you, I think I will, the feedback has been quite good on it. Glad to be able to write again

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  12. More news from this week - the world is NOT going to end on December 21st. Phew! I was a bit worried there. Also the chineese have invented a watermelon the size of an apple. Why has no-one ever done this before? Loved the news blog.

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    1. I've just googled the Watermelon Apple, and I must say I really want to try one. This is why they will soon overtake the US economy. And thankfully Science has once again guided us through 2012 with common sense.

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  13. Happy Christmas to all the cynics!

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